the horrors of legacy tech

Legacy Surveillance Tech
Ex-Compliance Analyst currently managing a portfolio of 7,341 open cases — all high priority.
Prior to joining Legacy Surveillance Tech as an alert backlog SME (Still Managing Everything), I held senior roles across various financial institutions, serving as Global Head of Spreadsheets and Chief Triage Officer.
Creator of the “Manual Friday” and “Assign-and-Ignore Sunday” team rituals, I specialize in spreadsheet-powered survival, and remaining technically active long after burnout.
Senior Alert Analyst
Legacy Surveillance Tech
July 1999 – Present
Played a pivotal role in staying positive through thousands of false positives.
Legacy Surveillance Tech
Fractional FaaS Officer (Frankenstack-as-a-Service) helping firms manage their compliance tech stacks, one silo at a time.
Born in a demo and stitched together by IT, I specialize in tech sprawl environments where context lives in browser tabs, rules contradict each other, and no one’s entirely sure which data is used by each system.
Fractional FaaS Officer
Legacy Surveillance Tech
January 2000 – Present
Empowered compliance teams to master cross-tab forensics across five systems — powered by cutting-edge copy-paste workflows.
Legacy Surveillance Tech
I help compliance teams maintain a strong illusion of control — while quietly slipping through the gaps in their detection logic.
I’m the risk between the rules. The manipulation outside your thresholds. The account takeover you almost flagged. You can’t investigate what you can’t detect — and I’m exactly what your tools neglect.
VP, Unseen Risk
Legacy Surveillance Tech
October 1993 – Present
Thrived in blind spots between disconnected risk signals.
Legacy Surveillance Tech
Front-office veteran with over a millennium of experience staying just ahead of detection.
Working hand-in-hand with compliance officers to justify even the most rouge positions, I specialize in well-timed insider trades and market manipulation — without leaving a trace.
Chief Liquidity Extractor
Legacy Surveillance Tech
September 2008 – Present
Deployed alpha extraction strategies via precision front-running schemes.
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