Save your team from
the horrors of legacy tech
the horrors of legacy tech
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A podcast for compliance leaders ready to confront the scary truth about legacy tech.
It’s funny… until it happens to you
It’s funny… until it happens to you
Meet the podcast guests
Alerty
Legacy Surveillance Tech
About
Ex-Compliance Analyst currently managing a portfolio of 7,341 open cases — all high priority.
Prior to joining Legacy Surveillance Tech as an alert backlog SME (Still Managing Everything), I held senior roles across various financial institutions, serving as Global Head of Spreadsheets and Chief Triage Officer.
Creator of the “Manual Friday” and “Assign-and-Ignore Sunday” team rituals, I specialize in spreadsheet-powered survival, and remaining technically active long after burnout.
Experience
Senior Alert Analyst
Legacy Surveillance Tech
July 1999 – Present
Played a pivotal role in staying positive through thousands of false positives.
- Specialized in dot-to-dot investigations in a context-free environment.
- Collaborated across three lines of defense — with one spreadsheet.
Frankenstack
Legacy Surveillance Tech
About
Fractional FaaS Officer (Frankenstack-as-a-Service) helping firms manage their compliance tech stacks, one silo at a time.
Born in a demo and stitched together by IT, I specialize in tech sprawl environments where context lives in browser tabs, rules contradict each other, and no one’s entirely sure which data is used by each system.
Experience
Fractional FaaS Officer
Legacy Surveillance Tech
January 2000 – Present
Empowered compliance teams to master cross-tab forensics across five systems — powered by cutting-edge copy-paste workflows.
- Championed a silo-led approach across the entire compliance tech stack - one brittle API at a time.
- Integrated a compliance sprawl engineered around the industry-standard ‘run-walk-crawl’ framework - in that order.
Haunty
Legacy Surveillance Tech
About
I help compliance teams maintain a strong illusion of control — while quietly slipping through the gaps in their detection logic.
I’m the risk between the rules. The manipulation outside your thresholds. The account takeover you almost flagged. You can’t investigate what you can’t detect — and I’m exactly what your tools neglect.
Experience
VP, Unseen Risk
Legacy Surveillance Tech
October 1993 – Present
Thrived in blind spots between disconnected risk signals.
- Dodged audits and flags with impeccable grace — never a ticket, trace, or case.
- Committed to continuous upskilling of abuse methods - from cross-product manipulation to account takeovers.
Count Tradecula
Legacy Surveillance Tech
About
Front-office veteran with over a millennium of experience staying just ahead of detection.
Working hand-in-hand with compliance officers to justify even the most rouge positions, I specialize in well-timed insider trades and market manipulation — without leaving a trace.
Experience
Chief Liquidity Extractor
Legacy Surveillance Tech
September 2008 – Present
Deployed alpha extraction strategies via precision front-running schemes.
- Optimized executions around latency gaps in batch-based monitoring systems.
- Led a dealing room too smooth to fail - now scaling operations across DeFi rails.
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